To start us off, a song...a memory in and of itself.
Yeah, I just made you listen to a song from the 90's before busting into stuff about the 2010's...don't care.
Anyway, where else do we begin but with this morning. Today is the first day I got to SLEEP. Let me explain for those of you just rejoining us...my life has been insanely busy for the last four months. August 1st was a game changing day, and though I failed to recognize it as such then, I realized it soon after.
Let's start with the beginning on that one. April 30th, I met a girl. A great girl. Scratch that, a PERFECT girl. Just not THE girl. It sucks when you realize that...it would be almost two months still until I would. We had been together three months that day. I just know she'll find someone SOOOO much better than me.
That day, I started teaching. I mean, actually teaching, in the classroom seven plus hours a day. I loved it...and now...it doesn't make me happy. I'm already planning to transition to law school...
...heh, transition, that's an interesting word. Transition...what I was supposed to finish with before I was twenty...what I DID finish in many ways then. But, look at me now...now I'm twenty-four...TWENTY-FREAKING-FOUR. And tired. And being called sir, and he, and him, and Mister. That's why I'm really leaving it.
I can lie to the other student teachers. I can lie to the other teachers. I can lie to my mom, my sister, my dad, my grandmother, my boss, my friends...hell, I can even lie to myself. At the end of the day though...I know the real reason. I hate it, but I know it. You dear reader now know it too.
I'm stuck right now. I wasn't then. I think I knew it then though.
I remember saying "I wish this year when fly by." Another thing I didn't realize the implications of when I said it. I knew then that this year was going to be purgatory, something I had to survive or fight to get out of. We'll see.
Then I started playing Halo 4. Halo's one of my all time favorite series, and it's not because of the games. I mean, let's look at the facts...some of my other favorite all time series are The Legend of Zelda, Final Fantasy, Ogre Saga, Kingdom Hearts, Super Smash Bros., Castlevania, Assassin's Creed, and Metroid. Seeing a trend? Halo is fundamentally different from all of those. For the most part, the others are RPG's or action-adventure games, or some hybrid of the two. Smash Bros. is the other exception as it's a fighter. The series is a first person shooter, something I don't ascribe to often (granted, still have not played, and yes, I know, heresy, Half Life, Portal, System Shock, BioShock, Fallout 3).
The reason is, I'm looking for story...context in which my actions have meaning. The Fall of Reach by Eric Nylund is one of my favorite books, period. It's not very good, but it has a lot of purpose. It is a character piece about a character who's face has NEVER been seen (I know, 4, eyes...don't care, haven't seen 'em yet), but at the same time is a deeper character for it. His back story gives him more depth than even Link, perhaps my favorite character of all time (it's time for that fairy boy to open his damned mouth).
Anyway, it reminds me of a few years ago, having nothing to do, hanging out in my apartment, playing Halo 3, a game I haven't played since I moved home. I missed those first two years of college, where I didn't worry about enough, but was happy all the same.
Finally, I went to work...where, she texted me. It was small but hurt like a bitch. I so want to be friends with her, but it's so damn hard at the same time. That, and I've had the worst luck getting to hang out with her...then again, it didn't help matters when we were together either.
Then, I just had to vent about work It's gotten brutal the last few months. I'm not happy there, I'm not sure anyone is. Which is sad. I tried to change things, but was ultimately impotent. I tried to come to a better position, and the board changed under me. It's not a good place to be, and I feel it may be a portent of things to come for it.
I'll stick it out until graduation, but I won't push back on things I know should be pushed back on. I need to build back my strength to do such things, prepare for other fights in the future. Otherwise, I'll be destroyed by the insanity.
Wish me luck.
-Sara
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